Sip This Tea: How Incarcerated Women Use GTL Tablets to Uphold Romance
Prison journalist Tomiekia Johnson investigates and navigates love, sex, and speed dating while incarcerated.
When it comes to getting a new snail mail pen pal, phone buddy, or someone to email chat with, I always think, Another one like me will never come around again. My standards are legendary when it comes to vetting a “potential.”
Yes, I said vetting.
It’s no secret among folks who know me that I’m waiting for the one God sends, so in the interim, I use the GTL tablet to do what I’ve coined “speed dating,” in hopes this Barbie finds her Ken readying to put a ring on it. It used to take months of snail mail tag to see—a guy ain’t it. Now, I’ve got mail in minutes, maybe even seconds. That is, when the antiquated GTL system isn’t delaying my messages for weeks.
Recently, I was approached by an incarcerated self-made “matchmaker.” She understands I’m a high profile incarcerated woman, so she pre-vetted a “potential” without my knowledge. Because the GTL tablet lends on-demand capabilities, I was able to see his pic, profile, and resume on the spot. I liked what I saw so I asked him a few questions to see if I might be interested in email chatting with him. GTL made this a fairly quick process, hence my term “speed dating.”
However glitchy and ancient, GTL has allowed for incarcerated women to have our own version of DMs. A woman can dial up a number right from the comfort of her cell utilizing a GTL tablet phone. To read the tea leaves of other incarcerated Barbies holding down romance with their free Kens, I took to the prison streets to learn about other couples keeping it hot with the use of GTL communications.
To read the tea leaves of other incarcerated Barbies holding down romance with their free Kens, I took to the prison streets to learn about other couples keeping it hot with the use of GTL communications.
Tea sippers, I pulled up on Erica, walking shoulder to shoulder on the main yard. Temperatures were cool. Women were joyfully headed to a gospel fest held in the gym where Erica and I work. “Amen! Hallelujah! God bless y’all!”
Erica—“The Spanish Barbie”—is newly acquainted with her phone pal Ken. Bearing a small smile she came forth with the tea: he works as an electrician, works out at the gym almost every day, has his own car, and lives with his siblings.
Erica says using the GTL tablet phone has been great to meet the challenge of her new mate, as he is “closed off.” The Barb said, “This helps us get closer, to bring down his walls about talking to a woman in prison. Sometimes we talk for hours.” She believes he may have reservations because some women in prison have “tricks,” which casts a shadow on the innocent intentions of good women exercising the freedom to choose a good man.
With soft, honest eyes, the brunette baddie said, “I’m taking it one day at a time. I can see myself taking our relationship out of prison when I’m free. Even if we end up as friends—I’m okay with that.”
I ask the Spanish Barb if she ever has problems with the GTL tablet system, connecting with Ken? She confirms what a lot of GTL users say: they have a hard time making calls, sometimes the phone doesn’t ring on the other end, other phone conversations can be heard when trying to dial out, your person can’t hear you, you can’t hear them, sometimes it takes an hour to make a call. She chalks it up to why the calls are free—GTL doesn’t have to deliver good service. Nevertheless, the antiquated system hiccups don’t hamper her communications too much because, “I don’t call too often. Sometimes he’s too busy to pick up. And I don’t bug, if he doesn't answer I might call back later that night, or the next day. Some girls bug, calling back to back to back. I don’t do that, and he thanks me for that.” I laugh because Erica and I have this in common.
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Before JPay, our previous e-message service, was replaced by GTL, I baited my hook and tossed my line across the waters of ambition to a prominent/handsome incarcerated writer in a New York men’s institution. He was brave and confident enough to promptly reply. He knew what it was. Yes, and. We flirted back and forth, engaged in conference calls, exchanged sexy “photographs of a prison journalist,” poems, and shared our writing.
New York Ken and his alluring east coast accent provided me with sound criticism that improved my work. But when he started treating me like competition, an apprentice elevating past the master, his ego interfered with my growth. That’s when extended wait times on “pending” GTL messages became more dangerous for our tendering vanilla relationship. We both missed necessary parts of the conversation, resulting in miscommunication and misunderstandings. Just before our conversations transitioned to sexting, we were shut down by irreconcilable differences.
On the raunchier side of the GTL-connected relationship spectrum, one of my more provocative peers described a time her man booked a five-star hotel room for them to have a sexy videocation experience. The steamy sexcation revolutionized prison video chat. She got all dolled up for him. He took the phone to the room prepared to do whatever she asked. She said something about him getting down to his chonies and prostrating back in the bed, but this is a PG-13 essay, and I’m pretty sure the video calls are monitored.
Full disclosure. Although I’m window shopping, browsing, and speed dating, I’ve long thought relationships between incarcerated and free people typically don’t work out. They either die behind the walls, barely make it out the gates, or fizzle once they hit the streets. A lot of people are just passing the time. Like when the neurotic Jada Pinkett Smith said 2Pac asked her to marry him when he was locked up. Jada said 2Pac just needed someone to do time with him and he would indeed divorce her once he was free.
A strong prison-built relationship forces partners to meet unique challenges that keep them connected in ways partners without this experience could never understand.
However, I do think there are special couples built on the right foundation, who are spiritually, emotionally, and mentally aligned to endure. I actually believe these rare couples are more equipped than free world couples to handle life’s challenges. A strong prison-built relationship forces partners to meet unique challenges that keep them connected in ways partners without this experience could never understand. The GTL connecting capabilities only enhance these rare opportunities.
Even as I write this essay, a peer of mine is asking if I’m interested in another potential. He’s not vetted, so I pass. Crappy service aside, GTL tablets made the opportunity to see if I can find romance again not only possible, but fun.
Speaking of fun, I cruised other lanes of the penal industrial complex to identify other free, incarcerated, and formerly incarcerated folks who were dating, married, or maintaining a relationship. Stopping first at rap goddess Remy Ma and her husband Papoose, I note, Remy served a six-year prison sentence while Papoose was holding it down, according to HipHopDX. Remy and Papoose have been married 15 years and dated before that. Papoose elaborated on how “trust and communication” helped keep their relationship strong through Remy’s six-year prison bid, plus some cheating rumors. Papoose recounted: “When she was locked up, I couldn’t touch her. So all we had was communication. When I visited her they would say put your hands on the table, shit like that. So we spoke a lot and throughout that communication, we learned even if there is a disagreement, if she’s speaking I gotta be quiet. Then when I’m speaking she gotta be quiet. And when you do that you really see where you was wrong at cause you be like ‘Oh, I made you feel like that?’ And that won’t be your intentions…It’s communication man, we disagree but it don’t really escalate to the point of negativity.”
“When she was locked up, I couldn’t touch her. So all we had was communication. When I visited her they would say put your hands on the table, shit like that. So we spoke a lot and throughout that communication, we learned even if there is a disagreement, if she’s speaking I gotta be quiet. Then when I’m speaking she gotta be quiet.”
Singer Mariah the Scientist is holding it down for rapper Young Thug. He’s been in jail for months fighting a big RICO case that’s murky and intertwined with homicide. The Scientist told radio host Big Boy on Big Boy’s Neighborhood (104.7) that she and Thug “talk everyday—he’s positive, he doesn’t let none of that shit get to him. The only thing I don’t have is his physical body.” On the Way Up With Angela Yee podcast, she shared “It’s almost like jail solidified our relationship. I’m willing to wait it out because I feel like he’s the one. If I didn’t really see that in him, I probably wouldn’t.”
On a hopeful note, before Erica and I wrapped our conversation, I asked, “What are you doing in your rehabilitation process that paves a quicker way to get home and into the arms of your bae, family, and community?” The Barb is Christian too, so she started with faith: “My relationship with Christ is my guiding force.” Erica has the system’s cruel “living death sentence,” as she is currently and gracefully serving Life Without the Possibility of Parole. The draconian LWOP. Ugh. I find it remarkable and refreshing that these romantic optimists treat ugly LWOP like it’s a small thing to giants. Perhaps Mr. Electrician could be the one. Erica displays more optimism: “You never know what God has for you.”
To get to the nitty gritty of my love life, one has to go back a few years with me when I had a spiritual revelation to s-h-o-o-t my s-h-o-t at my favorite Musical Ken. At the time, I was a small, lesser-known Barb, more like a Skipper. Let me tell you folks the truth: I hit him up like I was asked. Told him what God had been showing me, but somewhere along the way I came to understand his profile as Juggernaut Ken was too big to communicate on Big Brother’s GTL or snail mail surveillance system. So he doesn’t talk back. Look, I’m an Alpha Barbie, I’m selfish with my worth—I don’t want to be any Ken’s secret. If Musical Ken is interested in me, er’body gonna know.
Look, I’m an Alpha Barbie, I’m selfish with my worth—I don’t want to be any Ken’s secret.
As for today, I’ve been cutting players from the team. The matchmaker’s find was too boring—cut! And mostly out of boredom and intrigue I’ve been innocently flirting with an old friend, another retired NBA player. Oh, I know a few. NBA Ken told me, “You need to get touched up.” Laughing so hard, I almost dropped my GTL tablet. “Is that my problem?” He let me down easy when he confirmed what a lot of good men I know in the free world have been telling me: “The dating pool out here is garbage. No one has morals and values anymore. You’re going to have a hard time finding someone good.” So yeah, Queen Barbie is still single. Speed dating, flirting, and waiting for Musical Ken. Musical Ken, if you’re not catfishing me, get on the level.
Pinky finger pointed up, thanks for indulging in the tea leaves, but our tea party would not be complete without just a little relationship advice. First off—keep it classy, ladies. Stick your toe in the tea first to check the temperature. Never jump in head first with dirty sex talk, or begging your new pal to put money on your books. Your first agenda item shouldn’t be to send them a visiting form so you can get a burger and cheesecake from the vending machine. Take your time. Reach back into your principles and set a few boundaries to earn their respect. And it’s okay to be soft and vulnerable sometimes.
Most respectable pals don’t care that you got hands on the yard. They’re not trying to fight you; let them symbolically hold your hand instead. And if you’re juggling your prison woman and a new guy, that is a house of cards bound to fall. Lastly, when the girl you call friend gets jealous that you managed to get a decent catch to cherish you, peace her out—she was never really rooting for you anyway. The calls aren’t collect anymore; get to dialing. Show your potential—another you won’t come around again. And if you’re a one-night stand kind of girl, seek self-help groups now.
Happy GTL trails, Barbs!
Tomiekia Johnson is an activist, writer, prison journalist, poet, musical artist, curator, facilitator, inside organizer, public speaker, and “prison lawyer.” Born and raised in Compton, Tomiekia earned a bachelor’s degree in Public Administration on a basketball scholarship and worked in law enforcement as a clerk, police officer, and 911 operator/dispatcher for 14 years. A survivor of extreme domestic violence, she currently has over 22,800 signatures on change.org for a governor’s commutation.
